focus

what do you see

a place?

what are you thinking

what? girls?

what are you doing

writing? coding? writing a novel?

skipping homework? having a mental breakdown?

trying to focus?

how do i focus on something?
it's hard to focus on one specific thing

well
for me, at least

you see, this has been the case for a few years now and
i was wondering if it had something to do with
my brain

i tried reaching out to my parents, telling them what
i felt was wrong with me

i tried reaching out to my school counsellor, telling them what i felt was wrong with me

i tried reaching out
to my teachers,
telling them what i felt
was wrong with me

they all shrugged it off as something that i was
making up in my mind

lies

since i was little, i've always been a cheeky little liar
making things up
imagining my own little world

as i grew older and older, i kept lying and lying
not really thinking about what would happen
if people knew i was lying to them this whole time

i was fearing that my reputation was going to fall off

and i had to do something

and i kept lying
and i kept getting caught

what does this have to do with me not being able to focus?

nothing, it has nothing to do with that

i eventually realised that, i could do something
i could, you know, tell... the truth??
(why i didn't think about this earlier is beyond me)

so i did
i started telling the truth
but no one trusted me

it was, well, too late

i got sidetracked again, didn't i

anyway, as i was saying

i can't focus on one thing very well

and i've had a few suspicions on why that is

but i don't want to self-diagnose myself
to not create any bias in my favour

but i can't get a therapist myself
my parents wouldn't let me
i can't just go anywhere, im basically tied to my house

well, time to focus, maybe this time i can actually do the task
i was given

surely i won't get sidetracked again—